NO to toxic

Couldn't believe that I've been working for 3 months+

Time flies and June is gonna be my last month working at my very 1st company.

Stepping into career world doesn't seem easy and fun at all.

It's quite unfair to conclude every job to be dull and bored.

But still, it depends.

For mine,

1. the company runs and develops in a good pace

2. salary is quite good compared to other companies which offered me less than what a degree holder should get (living in a big city ain't easy)

3. environment is not bad though (but my ideal working place is to have a gym room!)

BUT

what make things worse is the PEOPLE

I thought it would be alright as I work for the company not for the people.

But duhhh I'm so wrong for thinking in such naive way.

The manager and senior executives :'(

Those are the people who made me wanna scream and shout all the times.

Tried my best to deal and bear all the shits given.

When you are not happy with me, tell me in my face.

Not going around to report to the manager and then gives me the innocent-sheepish look on the 2nd day. Pretending like you never talk behind me? NAHHH (middle finger for u)

Why I have to bear and admit with something that I didn't do at all.

The most furious part is the fucking stupid brainless manager chose to believe the senior before trying to ask me and understand the whole thing. Is this what a manger should do?

"She's not willing to help"

Eh hello, how many times I did OT just because I helped you out to reduce your workload. How many times you passed on your work to me then you packed your stuffs and left the office? How many times I did something out of my responsibilities? There's no OT claim yet I'm still helping you out. I really did thought that I'm being helpful all these while.

(Eyes staring at my body and my clothes)

I'm not trying to claim that I'm pretty.

But I'm talking no other than a normal girl.

I understand people do watch other people out. It's normal to look at people sometimes. But staring at people more than 3 seconds without any communication is absolutely WEIRD for me.

Things don't only look weird when they stare at you more than 3 seconds,they look like perverts when the stares aren't on your face but your body parts. The way my male colleagues look at me is just more than normal stare I SWEAR!

And there's this senior whom I mentioned earlier, he's such a freak that I really wanna smack and punch at him (I'm not being violent here but I think he deserved to be smack right on his face) That fella came so near to me when he taught me something and he didn't even apologized when he accidentally touched me. It's normal when you brush through other people's skin unintentionally but it's not normal anymore when you did it more than 3 times in such a period of time. And the WORST part is he didn't apologized after that. Even you burped in front of my face, you just thought it's nothing big and you shouldn't say a simple sorry? 

Why people can't understand and imply such basic simple courtesy in their lives.

How can people grew up in such manner? Where's all the basic manner? Some would say since it's sexual harassment, don't wear skirts or sleeveless clothes to work.Why do I have to limit myself just to drop myself out from the guys.The world shouldn't go in this way, guys should know their limits and each human being in this world should know what's simple manners and courtesy.

I know, some just don't. Fark that particular bitch and that jerk :)

I'M NOT DESERVED TO BE TREATED IN THIS WAY!!! 

Ladies should be respected no matter at work place or at home. 

Seriously, it's such a toxic working environment when people started to be selfish and only pick what they want to believe.

And never did I realized that I've became such a toxic person as well after I joined the company.

I started to complain a lot, get angry easily etc.

My mood and all depends on my work on the day itself.

If someone treats me like shit, my mood would be mad and moody for the rest of the day.

Even I'm not resigning for further studies, I'm sure that I'll be terminating my service for the company very soon too. 

I couldn't take it anymore. 

Nightmares and the excessive level of stress that I couldn't handle in my life.

Therefore,

Resignation letter is on its way. 

Cheers to the weekend and the very last month of working!

Time to adjust and get back to a happier person. 

Be patient

Be patient

Be patient

Just be patient for another 1 month

Just be patient just for the sake of not getting early release from the company

Just be patient and be careful of toxic people.

Till ya.

M I X E D

Thoughts are mixed up inside my head.

It's already been 2 Months+

I swear to myself that it's gonna be okay.

Everything is okay.

Everything would be okay.

Eventually, it would be okay.

Most of the time, people asks me 

"Hey, are you okay?"

Seriously, I wanted to say "Hell NO"

But now, I learn to say this

"No, but I would be okay eventually"

I remembered I was so struggling to put everything down

After I've been waiting for sometime for the confirmation, 

I did thought that it would end up perfectly

If it's not perfect, at least, it's the way I wanted.

But,

things didn't go well.

which another person ended up turning away from me

and I'm all alone again.

It was painful. I was struggling.

Struggled so hard.

Summer started, he came in my life.

Summer ended, he went away.

It was so ironic. Everything happened ironically.

Just like he never ever appeared in my life before.

Hahaha

Cried. Mad. Calmed. Painful. Tried to forget and get over him. 

and then, I just found out the lies.

lies lies lies

I'd rather slapped by the painful truth 

than being cheated with a beautifully made-up lies

It happened way too early,

even before I made the decision.

At first, stayed as friends was totally fine for me.

He gets his life, I live my own.

But, after I knew the truth, 

madness and furious filled my heart and mind.

I'm not gonna be friends with a liar.

Don't tell me you're serious with me,

when you're not.

I knew playful people won't tell people about their true self.

But, at least, at least,

don't give too much of hope and get her brick walls down 

till she'd believe that you're her hope.

****************************************************************

When you're over with someone,

leave them with peaceful mind.

Don't interrupt them.

Don't try to break into their life.

Don't ever make their life miserable.

I knew not everyone would do this.

But, at least I do.

When it's over, it's over. 

But, reality is different.

REALLY different.

There's assholes and jerks in this world.

The relation went rough and gone bad.

Okay fine, I packed and left.

Anything would be fine if he were just leaving me alone,

without doing anything to me.

#jerksbeingjerks

What made you so desperate? 

What made you being a cheapskate?

I never take anything that doesn't belong to me, 

but what belonged to me, you took it away.

you just took them away, like they are yours. 

Damn you asshole!

Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? for being a thief???

Gonna cut off this kind of people from my life.

Don't ever say Hi to me. 

If you really did, 

sorry I would only show you my #baddestbitch face.

I was so ashamed of this kind of people in my life.

Cause everyone lives with their own problems. 

That's life :)

But, why can't just spare other people with peace. 

Why would they wanna put people's life in miserable terms.

Some people just won't learn. 

They don't really learn from what they experienced or gone through.

Jerk, you said you've gone through a lot yeah? 

Lemme tell you, you're not. 

Cause you haven't get the pain in da ass.

But, you will. You will get the pain eventually.

Then, you would come to realize that someone stood there for you, 

but you neglected her and treated her like an option.

****************************************************************

BULLSHITS

I'm getting lots of bullshits in my life.

People pretends and acts like they're the innocent one.

You act innocently in front of me, 

I'll make sure you get your lessons.

If you don't learn from your lesson, 

Good, congrats, continue to be the jerks 

and one day, 

your daughter will feel the pain just like how you hurt girls' hearts

Hell yeah, I'm the baddest bitch now.  

Confirmation?

Totally neglected my blog for a long time.

I'm back.

Talking about confirmation

Hmm

I guess it's a tough moment while waiting for the confirmation

It's either a job confirmation

or confirmation about a r/ship

But I guess whenever the confirmation is yet to be done,

everything is questioned.

Have been questioning myself for such a long time.

"Is he the right guy?"

"Are you ready for that?"

"What would you do to cherish your partner?"

etc.....

All these popped into my head,

each and every day.

Thinking about someone do make us feel happy.

But become emotional also, at the same time.

*********************************************************

I once ran after a guy that I liked so much.

Spent time and effort on him,

without any hesitation or doubt,

I just wanted to be with him so badly that time.

At last, everything ended up.

Everything went worse.

I never blamed him for that.

I blamed myself a lot.

That's my decision which I decided to run after a guy who doesn't liked me at all.

So, bear the consequences :)

Everything goes well.

I let go all of the feelings and I'm okay right now.

After this particular guy, I told myself

I wouldn't chase after a guy anymore.

Once is enough. I'm tired.

If he likes you, he will eventually put in effort to be with you. 

No matter how hard the situation is, you will be with him.

If he is meant to be yours, he will by your side, at last.

*********************************************************

I know rushing brings nothing but just a harmful decision to both of us.

But, I just wanna let you know something.

Something that I really think of in every single days.

I can't deny that I'm missing you.

I miss you, a lot more than you could ever think of.

I have so much things to do with you.

Share food with you. 

Explore new cafes and restaurants around the town. 

Bring me along for trips. Short vacation or long trip to overseas. 

Bring me to Disneyland.

Cherish you and the moments we are together. 

Be your listener and share your burdens.

Be with you when you're down.

Give you freedom and watch you smile around your friends.

Smile with you. Talk lame jokes with you.

Sing songs with you. Even though we sing like mad people.

Cook for you. Cook with you. Don't care it's breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Swim together. Our fav sports ;)

On diet together. Save money on the same time :P

Watch movies together.

Enjoy lil moments with you.

Enjoy silent moments where you play your games and I do my stuffs.

Enjoy each other's presence and existence.

Guess this is what I gonna do with the future boyfie.

Two persons, just you and me.

It's perfect enough, at least for me.

Anyway, time is needed before going into a serious relationship.

No rushing, but with patience, tolerance and understanding

Confirmation? Screw you.

Appreciate the moments. Cherish all the memories. Make moments into memories.

I would be here, all the time, to be with you :')